Little Black Submarines
by load my soul
Summary: "You sure everything's okay? You look awful." The pressure began to set in and Austin shattered like glass under its weight. [Auslly]
1. Hear You Me

Not really sure how this happened. I wanted to write a story, but this just got away from me.

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Chapter 1: Hear _You Me_

It was three in the morning when the phone woke her. She fumbled around for her phone, accidentally sweeping the device to the floor. Ally Dawson groaned, rolling over and reaching down to grab her phone off the floor.

"...hello?" she mumbled, half asleep.

"...Ally?" It was Austin. His voice was meek and she could hear machinery in the background. "Ally, I... I'm in the hospital. Can you come stay with me?" Ally jumped out of bed and grabbed her purse. "Ally? Say something."

"What? Why?! What happened? You know what, tell me when I get there; I'm on my way. Okay? Hang tight. Do you need me to stay on the phone?" His breath was unsteady.

"No, please... just _drive safe_ , Ally." He hung up. She didn't bother changing out of her pajamas, she just threw on a bra and a pair of shoes and ran out the door. She made it to the hospital in record time and demanded to see Austin. They let her go up to his room without argument. She poked her head into his room. He was cradling his head in his hands. It was obvious he was in pain, he was breathing hard and sweating.

"Knock knock," Ally whispered, prompting Austin to lift his head. His face was covered in cuts and scratches. His nose was bandaged and his eyes were blackened and bruised. "Austin, what happened to you?" Ally sat by his bedside, finally noticing his right arm was in a sling.

"My parents and I were coming home from visiting family and someone smashed into our car," he recounted, lowering his head back into his hands. "The driver fell asleep and ran a red light. My parents, they... they didn't make it." His breath hitched and his voice broke. "I made it out, but I broke my right collarbone, my shoulder dislocated and tore my rotator cuff. My airbag broke my nose." He kept rambling, but Ally was numb. She couldn't help but stare as he collapsed backward and covered his eyes with his left arm. She didn't know how to react. There was no way to comfort him; his parents had just died.

"Austin, I'm so sorry." He sat up in his hospital bed, wiped his face and leaned in to kiss her. "What are you doing?" He looked at her. He was so vulnerable, she didn't know what else to do.

"Please, Ally." He kissed her. His lips were chapped and tasted of blood. "Can you stay with me?" She was hesitant. He was vulnerable.

"I don't think we'll fit in this bed. You'll hurt yourself," she reasoned as he placed several kiss on her neck.

"I don't care. I'll be okay. please?" He slid over to make room for her. She slipped into his bed. "I love you, Ally."

Ally slipped out of his bed and back into her seat. She stared at Austin's sleeping form and her heart wrenched. It was hard to wrap her head around the fact that her boyfriend had just been orphaned at eighteen. She couldn't even begin to imagine what he was going through.

Shortly after she awoke, Austin stirred from his sleep. He still looked exhausted and he couldn't speak through his pain. The nurse came by and changed out his IV and gave him his meds. He remained quiet until the pain of his injuries died down.

"I still haven't told Dez or Trish what happened. I just didn't know what to tell them."

"...Do you want me to call them?" she asked, watching him nod in response. "I'll call them for you." Ally stood and turned to walk out of the room, but Austin grabbed her hand.

"Please don't leave me alone," he pleaded, "I don't want to be alone right now." Without letting go of his hand, she sat back down. Fumbling with one hand, she managed to call Dez and Trish.

The pair arrived together and after Dez made mention to Ally's "ugly pajamas", they all sat in an uncomfortable silence. Austin kept his head low and stared at Ally's hand to avoid eye contact. Ally could tell he was trying to work himself up, trying to get into some mindset to be able to explain to their friends what had happened. She silently told him to take as long as he needed. Twenty minutes passed. With his head still lowered, he explained to Dez and Trish what had happened.

"...I don't even get to say goodbye." He leaned into Ally and closed his eyes. "I have surgery tomorrow for my rotator cuff."

"Austin, I'm so sorry," Trish said, sitting at the foot of his bed. Dez sat opposite of Ally.

"Me too, man," Dez added, a serious edge to his voice. "If you need anything, we got your back." The girls agreed.

"Do you have a place to stay after you're released?" Trish asked, glancing over at Ally. She nodded.

"He's staying with me until he feels well enough to be on his own." Austin raised his head and smiled weakly.

"Thanks for being here with me, you guys." The group embraced him, trying to assure him that he wasn't alone in this at all. An hour passed as the group tried to come to terms with what had happened. Trish had to leave for work and Dez left without an explanation. Ally could only assume he was going to a family event. It wasn't long after that when the nurse asked Ally to leave. Austin needed to rest before his surgery the next day.

She visited as soon as he was out of surgery and able to have visitors. Ally was the first person he asked for when he was coming out of anesthesia. She took his hand and held it tight. Ally wouldn't leave him for anything.

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Thanks for reading. I've been trying to figure out where this story is going, so forgive me if there's some time in between updates. The chapters are all going to be named after songs. This one is _Hear You Me_ by Jimmy Eat World.

xo


	2. Will You Tell Me Then

Hey guys, I'm back for round two of this story. I've actually edited out the "graphic" parts of the story to make it a T rating. Blah!

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Two weeks passed, Trish went back on tour with Boynado and Dez went to visit Carrie in LA. Austin was released from the hospital. His rotator cuff, the doctor's said, would heal in three to four months. His black eyes had begun to heal and some minor cuts had already healed. It still hurt Ally to look him in the eye. They didn't mention what had happened to his parents. Their car ride to Ally's house was silent. Austin was hyper aware of his surroundings, paranoid almost. He looked exhausted.

They got to Ally's house and settled in. Austin was staying in their guest bedroom. Ally figured it would be way better than setting him up in the practice room at Music Factory. As she put his clothes into the dresser, she couldn't help but notice the tension in the air.

It was awkward. She hated that it was so awkward.

After everything was away, she closed the door and turned back to him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, trembling. He looked up at her with an expression she'd never seen cross his features. She sat by his side. He fumbled in his bag and pulled out two bottles of pills his doctor had prescribed. One, an antibiotic, the other was for pain. He popped them both and downed a water bottle.

Fifteen minutes passed, he'd laid down. Ally laid down next to him. He looked up at her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. She could feel the tears on his face. Ally pulled away, mouthing " _are you sure?_ " He nodded. His left hand slipped under her shirt and he kissed her again. She knew he was only doing this because he was grieving. Between kisses, she asked him once more. With a fumbling hand, he removed his shirt. That same fumbling hand removed her top as well. To save him the trouble, she reached around and undid the clasps on her bra.

She felt guilty for wanting this, but wasn't as if he weren't willing. She laid back, nervous. He was fumbling. She was excited. He was vulnerable.

His heart was pounding. He asked if she wanted to keep going. Their eyes met and Ally nodded. She gave a sharp inhale as he moved. He waited for her to give the okay.

It was an awkward dance. It wasn't pleasant at first, but the feeling faded. He kissed her hard. She felt warm. After, he laid beside her, panting.

Ally felt empty. This would have been the perfect moment to turn to him and talk or laugh about _anything_ , but it was awkward. Things between them were still painful and awkward. She still felt guilty. He was still grieving; a weird feeling engulfed her. She looked to Austin, he was asleep. She stayed in bed and closed her eyes.

When Ally woke in the morning, Austin wasn't in bed. She got out of bed, put her pajamas back on and started down the staircase. Something smelled delicious, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She entered the kitchen, only to find Austin standing in front of the stove.

"Morning, goosepickle." His voice was calm as he turned, handing her a plate of pancakes. "Made you breakfast. Sit down and get started, I'll be there in a minute." He turned back to the stove and got to work on his own breakfast. No mention of what had happened last night. The tension between them was still palpable, or at least it was for her. She poured some maple syrup on her pancakes and took a bite.

"Austin, these are delicious," she said with a little more disbelief in her voice than originally intended.

"Surprised?" he asked, "My mom taught me." The room fell silent. "Ally, about last night, I, uh," he paused. "Yeah... uh..." He sat down with his plate, left hand fumbling around with his fork.

"Austin, I wasn't exaggerating. The... _pancakes_ are delicious, I just feel guilty. Maybe I wanted them more than you did." He raised an eyebrow, put down his fork and cocked his head.

"...I thought we were talking about last night." Ally covered her eyes with her hand and shook her head. "...oh. No. No, I wanted _pancakes_ as much as you did, if not more. And since we've been together, I've been excited about sharing _pancakes_ with you. You uh... You're the first girl I've shared... _pancakes_ with." His face paled. "...was it good? Th-the sex... Er...! Last night's _pancakes_... I mean."

"It was great," she replied, taking another bite of her breakfast. He seemed relieved, but distracted. It had been a rough couple of weeks; he was still in pain. He was still in denial. His parents weren't a subject. "...are you okay, Austin?" she asked. The smile on his face was plastic. It was fake and she hated it.

"My shoulder is really sore, but I'm fine." He would talk to her when he was ready, she figured. "I've been away from the Music Factory for way too long. Why don't we go there? We should probably get back to work on our song. I'll clean up breakfast while you get dressed."

She reached the top of the stairs and stopped, lost in her thoughts. A return to normalcy is all he seemed to want. To forget what had happened. To not deal with the gravity of his loss. Ally entered her room, threw on an outfit and brushed out her hair. When she was ready, he met her at the bottom of the stairs and gave her a hug. How could he be so resilient? Today was going to be a long day.

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He was agitated, she could tell. They were sitting at the piano in complete silence. She watched him carefully as he eyed his sling with dismay. He met her gaze and forced a smile. She kept a straight face.

"Are you okay?" she asked, "You seem really distracted. Do you want to take a break?"

"...yeah, why not?" he replied, getting up from the piano bench. He stood and silently walked over to his guitar. He eased his arm out of the sling and put the guitar strap over his shoulder. Left hand on the neck, right arm hovering shakily over the strings. He swallowed hard, sweat dripping down his face. His face was stark white, seething as he moved it into a less painful position. The strap slipped. Instinct overrode his brain and he reached out to grab it with his right hand. He gasped, cursing when his hand fell short because of the pain. The guitar crashed to the floor. A snapping noise echoed through room and he visibly winced. The room was spinning and his vision whited out. His mind was racing. Headlights. The sound of tires screeching and the crunching of metal. He shrieked, audibly choking.

An empty chuckle left his lips as he looked down at the guitar. "...I broke my guitar." His voice was cold and even. The neck snapped. "My mom snapped her neck," he said, matter-of-factly. "She wasn't wearing a seatbelt. They told me that she died instantly." Ally had goosebumps. "My dad suffocated before anyone got there," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "Punctured lung." He was quiet. A few minutes passed. He was trembling. Ally stood and took a step toward him. He turned to face her, he broke into a strange, forced laughter.

"...Austin?" He gave a brief exhale. "Please. Say something."

"I have no idea why I am laughing," he replied, tears streaming down his face. "This is so fucked up I can't even stand it." He was breathless. "Everyone at the hospital was telling me that I was _lucky_ because I survived." He picked up his guitar and held it tight. His knuckles were white. "Yeah! I'm so _damn lucky!_ " He raised the guitar in his left hand and with all the force he could muster, smashed it on the floor. "I'm so lucky that both of my parents died!" Coming up from behind, she grabbed his left arm and he dropped the remains of the guitar. Trying not to agitate his shoulder, she snaked her arms around him. His manic laughter quickly turned into heavy, heaving sobs. They sunk to the floor together. She stroked his hair and held him close, trying to think of something to say to him.

Ally's chest ached and she couldn't stop herself from crying. She wanted to tell him that he would be okay, that she would take care of him. She wanted to tell him he wasn't alone, he wasn't lucky and didn't have to feel this guilty.

She looked for words, but there were none. She whispered that she loved him, but that was all she could think to do. His sobs tapered off into brief bouts of hyperventilation before quieting completely.

Ally felt a heavy guilt. _She_ was the lucky one. He was in absolute anguish with survivor's guilt, but at the very least, he was alive. Ally didn't have to see him buried. She couldn't bear the thought.

"...I'm so sorry, Ally," he sighed, eyes closed. "I lost it. But I'm fine now."

"You're not, but you will be eventually," she replied, "Grief isn't anything you need to rush, Austin. You don't have to throw yourself back into daily life. Take your time. Take it slow, you're hurting." He kept his eyes closed, "I love you. _I'm_ the lucky one, I still have you. We're going to get through this." They stayed in each other's arms, silent and grateful for one another.

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Thanks for reading. This chapter's song is _Will You Tell Me When_ by Faunts.

xo


	3. A Rush of Blood to the Head

Hey guys, I'm back. Hope you enjoy it.

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Chapter 3: A Rush of Blood to the Head

For what seemed like the hundredth time, Ally had paused NetFlix. The sound of Austin dry heaving in the bathroom echoed loud in her ears. She got up when he moaned her name, and ventured to the bathroom. His head hung in the toilet and he was breathing hard, his skin was pale and clammy. Stomach flu. After all he'd gone through, he'd caught the stomach flu. She rubbed his back in small circles and smoothed back his hair. Stomach flu generally ran its course in one to ten days, but this was going on two weeks. Ally was worried.

"Do you want to see a doctor? I'll take you," Ally whispered, watching as Austin lazily shook his head. "Are you sure...?" He nodded, his body going into another bout of dry heaves. After a few minutes, he raised his head.

"I'm sorry, Pickle," he sighed, frustrated, "...let's go watch the rest of the movie." With all the strength she could muster, she hoisted him up. He stumbled aimlessly, pulling away from her as he tripped over his own two feet. She grabbed his hand and threw her weight backward, catching him just before he shoulder checked the door frame. He uttered an apology and pulled away. Holding his head, he stumbled back to the couch and sat down. He was avoiding eye contact like the plague. Austin wasn't himself, but who really was when they were sick?

She sat to his left and grabbed the remote, unpausing _Zaliens XV_. She noticed him slide toward her and lean his head on her shoulder. His skin was moist against hers. She looked down at him and sighed. Spring break was almost over and there were no new songs, no work was done at all and she hadn't even had a chance to study.

 _Catching up on studying will be a breeze for me, but..._ she thought, eyeing Austin's makeup work from his accident. She looked back to him, sure that he would never finish that stack of work. He wasn't interested in school, not that she could blame him. But what would happen to them if he didn't graduate? What would happen to them if he had to redo senior year? It stressed her out just thinking about it.

"You okay?" he asked, "...You're staring at me." Ally scoffed, a nervous smile crossing her face.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" she replied, stumbling to find the right words. She didn't want to voice her worry when they were trying to relax. "I'm not staring at my talented, handsome, very sick boyfriend whom I am extremely worried about."

"I know you're worried about me, but trust me. I'm f-ugh... I'll be right back." With all the grace of a drugged cat, he stood and stumbled to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. She paused the movie and stood near the bathroom door. She could hear him fumble with the lock. "Sit down, Ally, I'll be out in a minute, okay?" She heard him take a deep breath and pause, then the heaving started again.

"Austin, please, I'm calling a doctor." The door flew open and he stood in the doorway, vomit on his shirt. "...You got a little something there," she pointed out with a fake laugh, trying to defuse his frustration. There was something off about his eyes.

"Look Ally, I know you're trying to look out for me and stuff, but I'm fine. I'm a little sick, yeah, but I don't need a doctor and I don't need you worrying about me; you're stressing me out." She knew she was staring at him. His pupils were tiny. She watched as he completely lost his momentum. There was a painful lump in her throat. She was stressing him out?

"How can I not worry about you?" she replied, "I've done nothing but worry about you for the past month and a half. The accident, your injuries, what happened at the Music Factory two weeks ago? Your health!"

"Ally, I-"

"...I'm not supposed to worry about you? I know that you haven't even touched your makeup work for school. Spring break is almost over and our teachers are going to want that when we get back. You're not going to graduate if you don't do the work! And what about your finals?! _I'm_ stressing _you_ out? _You're_ stressing _me_ out." She turned away from him, let out a frustrated sigh and gestured toward his untouched work, "By the way, I only know you haven't touched it because I've already done it for you. I don't want you to fail." He watched her fiddle with her shirt, trying to distract herself from all her emotions.

"Ally, I... I'm sorry, okay? It's not you, it's me. I'm stressing because I know how hard it's going to be to catch up on school work without any motivation. I'm sick, my shoulder is killing me and I'm tired and it's been a really, really long month. I'm sorry..." He hugged her from behind and felt her tense up. "...I forgot about the puke on my shirt." She wriggled from his grasp and started toward the stairs. "Thanks for the... help on my makeup work. Ally?"

"I'm going to go take a shower. Make sure you rewrite all the answers in your own handwriting. I know how excited you were to go to prom. You wouldn't be able to go if your grades dropped that hard." The amount of guilt she felt for doing his homework was immense, but she had to help somehow. She stood in the shower, under the running water, trying to wash away her worry. She heard the bathroom door open and watched as he stepped into the shower. He was still clothed from the waist down. She ran her hands gingerly over his surgery scar and he embraced her, whispering apologies.

Spring break ended with Dez and Trish flying back into town, school resuming as normal, and Austin moving back to his parent's house. Ally didn't like it one bit, but it was what he wanted. He'd inherited their house, their cars and Moon's Mattress Kingdom and that's all he'd told her, aside from _see you at school_ , before he left.

He avoided her all day. He avoided Trish and even Dez. When the day ended, he didn't even show up to his dance lessons. Ally's worry manifested itself in the form of a pit in her stomach; it wasn't like him at all to avoid them or to ditch work.

"Maybe something came up with the rest of his family?" Trish tried to reassure her, "Maybe they're working out something with the will. I know you said he inherited Moon's Mattress Kingdom."

"I did," Austin said, walking through the doorway and high-fiving Dez. "And I gave it back to my Great-Great-Grandpa. When he dies, it'll go back to my Great-Grandpa, then to my Grandpa. It'll be passed down until it comes back to me. Then I'll close it." He seemed to smile at the thought of ending the store's legacy. He was oddly cheerful. "I never want to set foot in that store again."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Trish asked, "I mean, I know you hate it there, but couldn't you hire someone to run it for you?"

"Geez, Trish," Dez scoffed, "It's not family owned and operated if no one in the family is alive or willing to run it. I got your back buddy."

Austin looked around, "...Where are the students?"

"We sent them home because you didn't come in on time." Ally's voice was stern, she didn't understand why she was so angry. Sure, he was late, but at least he'd shown up. At least he was talking to them. "Any reason why you're so late?" She hated the bite in her voice, but she didn't know how to stop.

"I was studying and I lost track of time. I want to be able to take you to prom. I should have called." Ally's ire deflated. Trish and Dez exchanged glances.

"Are you two okay?" she asked, "Do you need to be alone?" Austin sat down on the couch and shook his head. Ally sat across from him. Again, Dez and Trish exchanged glances.

"You're mad at me." Austin looked down at his hands, annoyed. Ally shook her head. "You are, I can tell. What did I do wrong? Why are you so mad at me?" She stayed silent; her reason for being mad sounded bratty and selfish now.

"She's mad because you moved out." Ally huffed, her gaze snapping from the floor to Dez.

" _Dez_!" He shrugged.

"What? That's why you're mad. Not telling him isn't going to do anything good or healthy for either of you." She crossed her arms, watching as he walked out.

"I told you, Ally. I just think it's better if we have some space."

"I know, but... I'm- ugh, you know what? ...never mind." She dropped her argument, remembering what had happened when she'd previously voiced her worry. She stood, going up to the practice room. He sighed.

"What did I do wrong? I handed in my work. I studied for _hours_. I move out because I don't want to worry her and now she's mad at me?" Trish sat down next to him.

"You're not going to want to hear this, but lucky for you, _I'm_ pretty good at telling people things they don't want to hear. Austin, Ally won't stop worrying about you until you start acting like yourself. The accident happened and you paraded around here like you were a-okay until you had a breakdown and smashed your favorite guitar. Then you got sick and freaked out at her for worrying. She's worrying cause she loves you."

"She told you about that?"

"She called me that night after you cried yourself out. Ally was freaking out. She said she tried to be strong for you in the moment, but she thinks she failed you. She told me that all she could do was hold you and cry."

" _All she could do_...? That was enough for me."

"I also heard about what happened the night before that. How'd that even work with your bad arm?" The heat rose to his cheeks.

"It hurt pretty bad." Trish shrugged.

"Let Ally worry about you. She feels like that's all she can do for now." She gathered up her things and started up the stairs, "I'm going to check on her and then get going." She opened the door to find Ally at her piano, head in her hands.

"I'm most definitely _not_ crying, Austin Moon," she spat, wiping her face before she looked up. "Oh, Trish. Hi. Uh... same goes for you. I am not crying." Trish closed the door and sat down next to Ally on the piano bench. "I'm fine, Trish. I'm just frustrated." She gave Ally a knowing look. "Okay, okay. I am frustrated, just about... _nothing_. I'm upset over nothing." When she stood up from the piano bench, something fell out of her pocket and clattered to the floor. Upon further inspection, Trish realized what Ally was so upset about. She stood and held out her arms. They embraced.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Does he know? He told me why he wanted space, but is this really why?" Ally shook her head.

"He doesn't know; I just found out earlier. I know you aren't the best at keeping secrets, but can we keep it a secret for now? At least until he isn't sick anymore?"

"It isn't my place to tell him," she replied, "But it definitely explains why you're mad at him and can't put your finger on why." Ally laughed in spite of herself and picked up what she'd dropped. "Everything will be okay. Why don't you go home and get some rest? It might make you feel better."

"Thanks, Trish," she paused, "You don't have to stick around because of me, I'll be okay by myself."

"You sure?" Ally nodded, "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then." The door closed, leaving Ally by herself in the practice room. She took it out of her pocket and held it tight against her chest. She was reeling. One night, two lines, a myriad of worry, but absolutely zero regrets. She stared down at the plastic stick and closed her eyes. There were so many girls out there who would love to be in her shoes right now.

How did one night lead to this? How were the conditions for this circumstance so perfect on that one night? She just couldn't wrap her head around it. She put it in her purse, gathered up the rest of her things and started down the stairs.

Austin. He was still sitting on the couch downstairs. The thought of facing him made her stomach turn. He looked up and their eyes met, she felt a wave of nausea hit her.

"Hey Ally, I'm sorry. I know I was late and I know you're not super excited over the fact that I moved back home, but everything is going to be okay." He smiled, "Let me drive you home?" She hurried down the rest of the stairs and pushed past him. Unable to speak, and locked herself in the bathroom. Collapsing to the floor in front of the toilet, she barely had time to pull back her hair before she threw up. She was dazed, but heard him banging on the door and asking if she was okay. She composed herself and stumbled to the door. He embraced her, his heart was racing.

"I think you got me sick." Guilt coursed through her entire body, but at least she technically wasn't lying.

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Shocker, huh? The song is _A Rush of Blood to the Head_ by Coldplay. More soon. I have two chapters in beta and I'm starting the sixth chapter today. xo.


	4. To Hell With You

Hey guys! Hope you enjoy it!

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 _Chapter 4: To Hell With You_

Things were awkward. She was avoidant and he was bouncing between being completely withdrawn to down right social. Their senior prom was in three days and neither seemed too excited. Austin was still vaguely sick, so Ally still hadn't mentioned anything to him. Ally knew that Trish was practically foaming at the mouth to tell anyone, even Dez, her secret. The thought of facing Austin hit her worse than even her worst stage fright ever did. The mere thought that he might turn on her had her in a straight panic. She didn't like it, but the longer he was sick, the longer she didn't have to tell him.

He'd lost a few pounds and was easily winded. Ridley had told her he was tripping up when teaching and occasionally would just _give up_ and he'd cancel class. It just wasn't like him. Not that she was much better. She wondered if he'd even noticed. Her nausea was so bad she could barely eat; she'd lost some weight too.

 _Croissant_. Just like that, her main worry was getting a hold of a croissant. She groaned. Was this normal? She was sure that once she even laid eyes on a croissant that she wouldn't want it anymore. Ally stood her ground, keeping herself planted at the piano. A half an hour passed, she stared at the blank page of her songbook in dismay, finally deciding that the pastry might help her creativity. Dez and Trish were sitting downstairs.

"Hey guys, I'm going to go grab lunch, I'll be back," she said, "Trish, would you text me and let me know if Austin decides to show up while I'm out?"

"Sure thing, see you in a bit."

"Thanks," Ally replied, "See you guys in a bit." Dez paused, staring as Trish buried her face in the magazine she was reading. Something was weird.

"What's wrong with Ally? She seems off," he asked, figuring subtlety would help weasel an answer out of Trish; she was pretty bad at keeping secrets. "I mean, I know she and Little Golden Toes are going through a rough patch and he managed to get her sick to boot, but she seems like she has a lot more than that on her mind, hmm? Wouldn't you say so, Trish? Hmmmm?" He leaned in, subtlety gone. He was bad at subtlety.

"Damn it, Dez, I'm not telling." Trish hated it when Dez was determined like this. He'd blab to Austin, she was sure.

"So there is a secret!" Dez replied, a smile upon his face. "You can tell me now or I'll just follow you around all day asking you to tell me."

"Dezmond Hatfield Wade, I _will_ kill you."

"The choice is yours and yours alone," he grandstanded, bouncing on his heels, "Tell me or suffer the consequences." Trish rolled her eyes, she was already suffering the consequences of knowing. Ever since Ally told her, she had to stay away from Austin to keep herself from telling him. It'd been a week of actually having to _go to, and do_ , her job to avoid seeing Austin. The things she did for her best friend! "Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No!"

"Tell me."

"Damn it, Dez! What part of _no_ don't you understand?!" He shrugged.

"I think I don't understand the general definition of the word; you know that I basically just do as I please. So tell me."

"Fucking- _a_ , Dez. You won't break me. I'm not going to tell you. Do you know how betrayed she'd feel if I told you about Baby Moon?" Trish covered her mouth as Dez's jaw dropped. " _Fuck_. I didn't say that." She looked around for Austin, for once thankful that he was nowhere to be seen.

"Well, that explains her attitude problem."

" _Dez_." He snapped into serious mode.

"Does Austin know?" Trish shook her head. "How long has she known?"

"She just found out last week." The room fell quiet. He stared at her. " _What_?"

"You kept a secret for _that long_ without telling anyone? Wow. _That's_ a new record." She shoved him and glared.

"You have to promise me you won't tell anyone! Especially not Austin!" He grinned. "Damn it, Dez, promise me."

"Hey, don't worry. I'm _so_ much better at keeping secrets than you." The door opened and Ally was back with her croissant. And an order of fries in a cone. And a bag of chips. And what looked like no less than eight cookies. Trish raised an eyebrow at her.

"What?" she asked, defensive. Ally looked down at her lunch and the smell of hot french fries hit her face. She paled, handing them to Dez. "You can have these. And these." She handed him the bag of chips. Dez gave an awkwardly knowing smile.

"Hey," he crooned, his voice soft and weirdly gentle, "I can't take food from _you_." He turned, giving Trish an exaggerated wink.

"... _Trish_! You told him?!" Ally shouted through a mouth full of cookie.

"He weaseled it out of me!" Ally glared at Dez, snatching back the fries and chips.

" _You_..." She spat, poking Dez in the chest with a stiff, angry finger. "You can't have my potato products!" Dez smiled over to Trish, then took off running. Trish chased him out of the building. Ally grumbled, stomping up to the practice room to work on her new song.

After a few hours of scribbling down some lyrics and getting down the right melody, she had a major portion of the song done. Her back was sore from sitting at the piano for so long, so she got up and sat in the chair near the door. Ally ran her hand over her stomach. With or without Austin by her side, her first appointment was in four weeks.

She could count the people who knew about Baby Moon on a single hand.

Her, Trish and Dez.

She hadn't called her mom and couldn't quite put a finger on how to tell her father. She was still reeling. She'd only taken one test, maybe it was wrong! She dug it out of her purse. The lines had faded and the result was gone. How could she know for sure? Pulling on the red hoodie she'd borrowed from Austin, she took her credit card from her purse.

All twenty tests were positive. The cheapest dollar store test through the most expensive test she could buy. They were all positive.

They had to be wrong. They _had_ to be. Maybe she was in denial. Probably. It was a definite possibility. She gathered up the packaging, leaving the tests on the table.

She sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep her secret a secret from him forever. Eventually, she would start to show and the cat would most definitely be out of the bag then. Since Austin's convalescence didn't seem to be progressing past this weird stomach flu, she had to figure out when to let him in on her secret. She decided after prom was probably best. Things were already awkward enough between them and she really wanted senior prom to be fun. She shoveled the tests into the trash, one by one. She heard one scatter across the floor and went to retrieve it. A clean test. She'd missed one? She stashed it in her purse. From her previous experience with the first test, results faded after time. Ally would need to show him the day she took it.

Things might be awkward once he knew. Hell, things were awkward _now_. Things definitely wouldn't be the same between them once he knew. Staying calm until after prom was important, but she couldn't shake the anxiety. Negative thoughts raced through her head. He wasn't himself since the accident; he was different.

There was always the possibility that he would reject them. The thought crushed her, but if that was the case, he never had to see them again. Would he end their partnership over this? Would he end their relationship?

She wanted to throw up just thinking about it. She also wanted macaroni. And a chocolate milkshake.

She _hated_ cravings.

* * *

This song is _To Hell With You_ by Sleigh Bells.


	5. Little Black Submarines

I'm back again with a chapter that is strictly Austin and his thoughts. Hope you like it.

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 _Chapter 5: Little Black Submarines_

He kept the bills paid. The house was dark, cold and empty. The cars had moved into the garage. A thin layer of dust covered everything. The fruit in the kitchen had become moldy, as did most of what was in the fridge. He hadn't had much of an appetite. Maybe he should clean it out, they'd be mad if he let the house go. He wouldn't get his allowance if he didn't take care of the house while his parents were away.

 ** _Your parents are dead, remember?_**

"They're... _away_."

 ** _No. Stop deluding yourself, Austin. They're dead. You put them on the mantle._** He glanced over to the fireplace, two small urns on either end, pictures above both. Mike on the left, Mimi on the right. He trudged to his room and laid down in his bed.

All he wanted was to feel normal again. No, he wanted to _be_ normal. For her. Prom was _tomorrow_ and he was in absolute agony. His entire body was engulfed in a dull ache, his shoulder was burning. His head hurt so bad, he could only assume his brain had been completely liquified and was splattered and dripping down the front of his skull. He hadn't slept last night. He stayed up all night, sweating bullets and shaking. His nose and eyes were running. He was a complete mess.

What would Ally think of him if she was him now? Would she stay by his side or would she run? His thoughts were racing. The anxiety was killing him slowly and the pain was unreal.

 ** _You need it, Austin._** He wondered if she had finally picked out her dress. He'd been dress shopping with her and Trish before, it generally consisted of Ally trying on several different dresses and Trish telling her how she looked. Austin usually wasn't allowed to say anything; he thought Ally looked gorgeous in anything she wore. **_You need it. Get up and take it. You left so you could take it and not drag her down with you._**

"I don't want to, I don't need it. All I want is her." He wanted to call Ally, he wanted to tell her that he loved her. That he appreciated her worry. His phone was ringing - it was Dez.

 ** _You'd be able to pick it up if you'd just give in._** The ringing was grating on his ears. He threw his phone over to his desk and heard the clattering of pill bottles. His stomach turned. He wanted to throw up. **_See? You need it._**

"I _don't_ need it. I'm not addicted. I can stop whenever I want to. I just did stop and I'm not going to start again. _Ever_." Everything had to be perfect tomorrow. It had to be. He hadn't had a chance to pick up his tuxedo, so that was probably why Dez called. To remind him. He went to roll out of bed and ended up landing on his right shoulder. He saw stars and felt dread and adrenaline course through his veins. He audibly cursed and rolled to his left side, curling up into a ball on the floor. His phone beeped; Dez had left a voicemail. "That doesn't change anything. I don't fucking need it."

 ** _You can't fool me. You did that on purpose. How are you going to get your tuxedo if you can't even function? Just reach out and grab them. All this pain will end when you do._**

Alone and in the dark, he wrestled with temptation. Maybe he did need his pills. Half of one pill kept his shoulder pain free and his grief in check. The other kept him from failing out of school. And when he paired them together? He felt amazing. He'd be able to take Ally to the prom. But with every pro, there was a con. If he took them, the side effects would hit him; he'd get nauseous. Ally would worry. But if he didn't take the pills, he would just degrade into sickness again. He wouldn't be able to take Ally to the prom. She would worry.

 ** _You're addicted. Just take the pills._** He picked up the pill bottles and stared. **_You need these to function now. Take them. Take Ally to prom._** He removed the lid and fished around for his pill cutter. **_Good_**. He wasn't sure when he'd started crushing his pills, but the effects hit faster. **_Half of that will take the edge off._** Austin crushed the pills together and closed off one nostril with a shaking hand.

Startled by his ringtone, he fumbled with the pill dust, scattering it across the floor. He audibly cursed, looking at the screen.

Ally. It was Ally. Should he pick it up? _Could_ he pick it up? He kept staring at it, feeling like a child caught cheating. His heart sunk, his chest tightened and he let voicemail take her call. Austin cradled the phone in his hands, staring at the voicemail notification. He brought the phone to his forehead and closed his eyes.

If he took the pills, he could see her; they could go to prom. The euphoria would set in and the grief would melt away. If he took the pills, he lost himself and he might lose her. If he didn't take the pills, he would stay sick. The pain of his grief and his injuries would remain almost unbearable.

 _"You have two new messages. First unheard message-"_

 _"Hey, buddy! I picked up your tux. It's baby blue cause you're a - ow! Trish! I was going to say_ _ **studmuffin**_ _! Anyway, you still going with what's her face? You know the one. Girl about ye high and always hangs around us? Dude, senior prom is gonna be awesome! Hey man, I uh... I hope you're okay."_

 _"End of message. Next unheard message-"_

 _"H-hey Austin. It's Ally. I was just wondering how you were. You haven't shown up to the Factory in two days. No one's heard from you. Dez tried calling you. Your tuxedo is ready... he picked it up for you and... we're really worried."_ There was an awkward pause. _"Call me back when you have the chance. Please, be okay. I... I love you, Austin."_ He crushed the remaining half of the pills and lined it up.

 _"End of message. To repeat his message, press one. To delete this message, press two. To hear more options, press 3."_ He repeated the message, trying to figure out what to do.

 ** _There's no way you'll be done with withdrawal by 7pm tomorrow._**

He stared at the phone, closed off one nostril, exhaled and brought the powder to his face. Inhaling deeply, he found himself drowning in self-loathing. He hated himself for being so weak. He hated himself for lying to everyone and worrying Ally.

The pain melted away, along with his guilt and self-loathing. Nothing mattered. He laid back, dropped his phone and smiled.

There was nothing quite like a head rush.

* * *

The title chapter: _Little Black Submarines_ by The Black Keys.


	6. The Weight

Chapter six! Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter 6: The Weight

She started at the sloppy Full Windsor knot with dismay; how come all the men in her life didn't know how to tie a tie, but she did? Well, to be fair, his collarbone was still broken and his arm was still in a sling. She undid the knot and began to retie it. Over, under, over, under, up, down, over, under and through. Ally adjusted the knot, deep in thought.

He'd shown up this morning as if nothing were wrong between them and made no mention of where he'd been the past two days. He'd just shown up at the Music Factory, ready to get dressed and head off to prom. In one rough motion, she tightened the knot, driving her fist right into Austin's Adam's apple. He gagged. She looked up, quickly removing her hand from his neck.

 _...I just punched Austin in the throat._ She froze.

"Oh! I'm so sorry." He loosened the tie and raised an eyebrow. "I... I didn't mean that." She stared at her feet. He scoffed in amusement, rubbing at his neck. She sighed, "I'm going to go finish getting ready." Ally scurried away, leaving the practice room to continue getting ready in the upstairs bathroom. She glanced over the railing, catching a glimpse of Carrie and Dez.

Dez's suit jacket was rainbow houndstooth, his shirt was white and his pants were black. Carrie's dress was absolutely gorgeous. A light pink, two piece dress that showed off her tiny midriff. The top was intricate and lacy and the skirt rested at mid-thigh. She looked absolutely stunning - Ally had to admit, she was a little envious.

Carrie looked _perfect_. Ally shuffled into the bathroom and shut the door. The dark circles under her eyes told stories of sleepless nights and stress. She touched up her foundation and successfully hid her tired complexion. She took a few steps back and stared at her reflection, studying herself carefully. What was going to happen to her once she started to show? Just how much weight would she gain? She didn't want to think about it, but her mind continued to dwell. She made the finishing touches to her hair and makeup before examining her dress. She fished around in her purse, fingers finally falling upon a familiar plastic stick.

The test. She took it and waited for the results to appear. Positive, just like all the others she'd taken. She lost herself in her thoughts, losing track of just how long she'd been in the bathroom. A knock broke her from her thoughts.

"Ally?" It was Austin. How was she going to tell him? She trembled, wondering if she could even muster the courage to tell him tonight. What if this was bad news to him? He didn't take bad news well. Worse yet, what would Jimmy Starr think? Would this news prolong Austin's punishment? What if he could never perform again? It would kill him! "Ally? Are you okay in there?"

"Y-yeah!" Ally replied, tears in her eyes. "Just... hold on, I'm finishing up my makeup." With a tissue, she dabbed away her tears, trying hard not to smudge up her makeup. Ally took a deep breath in an attempt to banish her negative thoughts. When she opened the door to face him, he smiled at her.

"You look beautiful," he said, handing her the corsage he'd bought. "I, uh, I got this for you." Lilies and orchids, her favorite. He remembered. "...I love you, Ally." She smiled down at them, tears welling in her eyes. Would he still love her after tonight? Another deep breath saw her willing away her tears and smiling back at him.

"Thank you, Austin, it's beautiful." He felt awful; Dez had picked out that corsage. He'd been too sick to look for corsages, call about limo rental or even pick out his own tuxedo. Dez had done it all and Austin was unbelievably grateful; Austin wouldn't have been able to forgive himself if he'd ruined Ally's prom. She grabbed his left hand, "We should go downstairs, everyone is waiting for us." They walked downstairs only to find the Music Factory completely empty. Ally's phone chirped. "...A message from Trish... _Got sick of waiting, left without you._ Great." Ally's supposed that this was Trish's not-so-subtle way of telling her she needed to tell Austin before Trish exploded from keeping the secret. She glanced up at Austin. "I'm guessing you're not up to walking there, right?"

"I'll call us a cab or something, okay? Just give me a minute to look up a number." She watched him fiddle with his phone. Her palms began to sweat. "Yeah, we're over at the Mall of Miami in the A&A Music Factory. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, I'm Austin Moon. Thanks. See you soon." He hung up and slipped his phone into his pocket. Ally was fidgety; what were they supposed to do in the meantime? "Hey, you okay?" She nodded and dropped her gaze. She wasn't okay at all. She was exhausted, nauseous, sore and, thanks to Trish, alone with the source of her current anxieties. "You sure? You don't look so good."

"I'm fine!" she snapped, "I'm just frustrated that they left without us. I just wanted tonight to be perfect, but then Carrie looked so beautiful and I got to thinking, _what if I'm not that beautiful?_ " Tears stung at the back of her eyes, "What's going to happen to me, Austin? Or my career?" Austin grabbed her shoulder with his left hand.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ally, what are you talking about?" She paused, stalling for time. "Please. What has you so upset?" Before she could answer, Austin's phone rang. The cab had arrived. He grabbed her hand, trying to keep her from bolting. "Ally, you know you can tell me anything." He felt like such a hypocrite. She tugged her hand from his.

"...we should go."

Ally couldn't believe Trish and Dez had actually left them behind. She glared daggers at them from across the gymnasium. All she wanted was for this night to be fun. _Actual_ fun, not the fun she was pretending to have now. One carefree night before her life changed. One carefree night before she lost Austin to her secret.

Austin stared at her, completely aware she was putting up a false front. He stood, holding out his hand. "You look bored, do you want to dance?" He led her to the dance floor and put his arm on her shoulder. They swayed back and forth to the slow music.

A few songs passed and a dread came over him. He was _itching_. It was driving him crazy, absolutely crazy. He'd been trying his hardest to keep it together, even if it was only for this night. He smiled down at her, hoping she wouldn't notice his skin twitching from the insatiable itch. She met his gaze, big brown eyes blinking back tears. "...Ally?" She shook her head. They sat down at the empty table.

"I'm sorry, it's not you." It _wasn't_ him. It was her, her secret and the way the night had gone. It was their careers. It was Ronnie Ramone and Jimmy Starr. _Especially_ Jimmy Starr. It was her father, her mother. "I'm sorry, Austin. There's just something that's been on my mind for a while and it's been bugging me tonight. I've been trying to push it to the back of my mind. There's something I need to tell you, but not here. I'll tell you after prom."

"...You can't tell me now?" She shook her head. "Is it good news or bad news? Judging by how upset you are, I'm guessing it's bad."

"I'm sorry, Austin," she repeated, blinking back her tears, "I'm not sure if it's good news or bad news."

"No matter what kind of news it is, you don't have to apologize." He paused, glancing around. "Do you want to leave? This secret of yours is keeping you from having any fun. Let's ditch this place and head back to the factory." He stood, reaching out for her hand. She took it and stood, feeling her phone vibrate in her purse. Ally let it ring, figuring it was Trish calling to either apologize or rush her into spilling her secret. She followed Austin into the hallway and out the door. She inhaled deeply as he squeezed her hand.

Everything would be okay.

They'd been sitting on the couch in the practice room for a while, both had changed out of their prom attire and into their practice sweats. He'd told her to tell him her secret when she was ready, but she wasn't sure she would ever be ready. Minutes passed as the awkward silence that hung over them became near unbearable. Ally stood and walked across the room. He went to follow her. She turned on her heel.

"All-"

"I'm pregnant," she interrupted, watching the words visibly stun him.

" _What_?"

" _Whaaaaaaaaat_? Who said that?" She gave a nervous laugh and began to chew her hair.

"... _what_?" She sighed, voice hesitant and shaking as she continued.

"...Baby Moon is due in January." He stared at her, brown eyes wide. He kept silent, averting his eyes to the floor. Lips slightly parted, he began desperately searching for words. She stared at him, waiting for some reaction other than shock to cross his face. Trembles coursed through her entire body as she watched him stare blankly back at her, unable to articulate any form of a response. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Austin? Please, say something," she begged, walking across the room, into his arms. Say anything." He looked at her, eyes still wide with shock. He stumbled over words, his breaths coming out in short huffs as he tried to form sentences. He shook his head, managing to spit out a silent _I love you_. He tightened his grip on her as she buried her face into his chest, hugging her with all the strength in his left arm. "I'm going to lose you now, aren't I?" He could feel her tears seep through his shirt as he tried to process what she'd told him.

"Lose me?" He choked on the painful lump in his throat. "Ally, no... lose me? _Never_." He laughed, tears falling. "This? This fantastic." She shook her head. Austin grabbed her shoulder, held her at arms-length and looked her over. "It is though." The most beautiful smile Ally had ever seen crossed his face. "I will stand by you no matter what; I'm yours forever. We would have wanted a family together in the future, right? We just have it a little earlier than expected." She hugged him, burying her face into his chest again.

"My dad is going to kill you." He led them back to the couch. "What about Jimmy? He still hasn't lifted your performance ban. With this news, he might not ever lift it. He's going to tell us we're too young. We're setting a bad example. Ronnie won't be too happy either. He planned on sending me on tour during the summer. How are we going to t-" Austin shushed her.

"Hey, we got this, okay? Here's how we'll tell them: loud and proud. Yeah, your parents aren't going to be happy about it and yeah, they might hate me for it, but you know what? They'll get over it. They'll warm up the the idea and forget why they were even angry in the first place." He held her tight, trying to quell his own fears. His parents would be furious with him. He'd be grounded without allowance and his punishment would be to work in the mattress store.

He wished he could talk to them. When their anger dissipated, they would have supported him no matter what. The wound still fresh, his heart ached. All he wanted was their advice right now.

He banished his thoughts; Ally needed him to be her rock right now. He laughed, ignoring the pain in his throat. "Baby Moon is going to be the cutest little pancake in Miami." Ally laughed in spite of herself.

"...you just called our baby a pancake." He tried desperately to swallow the lump in his throat, but his mouth was dry. It hurt to talk. The news had come as a shock; he was a little woozy, but he wouldn't let Ally down. He had to keep everything - his fear, the itch, the urge and the shaking - under control.

"You'd prefer I call him...? Uh, her...? Them. You'd prefer I call them a pickle? That's your nickname." He paused. "How long have you known?"

"Only about a week. Trish has been foaming at the mouth. She told Dez and we've been scared that he was going to let it slip to you. I'm pretty sure he told Carrie tonight at prom. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, I was so scared that I was going to lose you." Before he could answer, Trish, Dez and Carrie came into the practice room.

"Congrats, buddy!" Dez shouted with a grin. Austin was almost at his limit. He needed his drugs, and fast. But he had to play along, he had to ignore his habit to avoid airing his own dark secret to the group. He looked to Ally, winked, then looked back to Dez. A confused look came across his face.

"...what do you mean? Congrats about what?" Dez's expression dropped and Trish elbowed him in the side. "...I'm just kidding! Thanks." Behind his smile, Austin felt positively sick. Ally had made some decent points. Without performing or recording, how was he supposed to provide for Ally or their baby?

...would he have to work at Moon's Mattress Kingdom? The thought made him sick. **_Actually, no. The distinct lack of drugs in your system is making you feel sick._**

It felt like someone was trying to rip his arm off at the shoulder and the itch was damn near overwhelming. He began to sweat, his stomach was doing flips, and his head was throbbing. There was a half a pill in his pocket.

 ** _How can you gracefully bow out to take it?_**

"I'll be right back."

 ** _Yeah, real graceful._** He stood and tried to exit the room as calmly as he could. He locked himself in the bathroom and fished the long covered pill from his pocket. With his credit card, he smashed up the pill on the counter. He stared down at the mess of dust on the counter, dropped the card and closed his eyes. He brought his hand up to his face. He grimaced hard, feeling shame and self loathing hit him in the stomach like a lead weight. What was he doing? Austin hated himself for being unable to resist. Quietly, a bitter chuckle left his lips, tears falling down his cheeks. He stared daggers at his own reflection. His parents would be ashamed. Here he was a teenage father-to-be with an addiction to opiates.

 ** _How could you ever call yourself someone's father?_** He was... _sick_. He needed help. **_You're a drug-addict._** How could he be both?

 _I can't be both. Can I?_

 ** _No. You can't even be yourself on these drugs. You have to stop using if you want to be a father_**.

The high hit him and he finally felt calm. He felt happy and complete. He and Ally were going to be parents in January and nothing could tear him down. When Jimmy heard their news, there was no way he'd be able to keep him from performing anymore; it wouldn't be in good conscience. He burst back into the practice room with a drug induced exuberance. Ignoring the strange glances from his friends, he boisterously and vehemently demanded to celebrate by dining out at Ally's favorite restaurant. They each exchanged glances and chalked up his strange behavior to nerves from finding out about Baby Moon.

Austin caught Ally staring at him out of the corner of his eye. He turned to her and grinned.

"I love you, Ally." He put his arm around her and they walked down the stairs and started out the front door. As they walked, someone caught his eye. A man stood in the middle of the empty parking lot. Red hoodie and jeans, hood up, hands pocketed. He was wearing Moonwalkers.

He stopped, staring at the stationary figure standing in the streetlight. Austin walked toward him, ignoring the call of his friends. As he got closer, goosebumps began to form on his chilly skin. The figure looked up and smiled.

 ** _You know you're not fooling anyone._** Austin froze in his spot. He stared. He felt Ally pull at his left hand.

"Austin, what's wrong? Why did you come over here?" He searched for words in a panic.

"...I thought I saw something over here." He replied. The figure gave a dark chuckle.

 ** _You "thought"?_**

He was face to face with himself.

* * *

This chapter's song is _The Weight_ by Thrice. :) (Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!)


	7. High Expectations

Hey, everyone. Sorry for the ultra long pause between updates. My family had to relocate, insurance issues, and as it turns out, I'm 13 weeks pregnant. I have managed to outline many chapters ahead, which means writing them - and updating quicker - will be much easier. Thanks for being so patient, guys!

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Chapter 7: High Expectations

He stared at his mid semester report card in despair. His grades had slipped again and his teachers, though sympathetic to his situation, still had to do their jobs. He had failed a few tests here and there, forgotten homework a few times and it caught up to him. He wasn't surprised, just annoyed at himself for letting his grades slip so hard. His parents would be furious.

 _ **Furious? Disappointed in you, more like. Hell, I'm disappointed.**_ He ignored the voice and picked up the medicine bottle up from his desk. It was almost empty. He was worried. What would happen once he ran out? How could he get more? The thought scared him more than working at Moon's Mattress Kingdom for the rest of his days or even being as father did. _**That's pretty sad, Austin. If Ally found out about this addiction of yours, she might leave you.**_ He stood, ignoring the hazy delusion of himself sitting on his bed. He walked down the hall and stopped in front of the master bedroom door.

Austin hated going in there. He hated feeling as if he were intruding on his parents privacy. This was still their room. Nothing would change that. He took a deep breath and knocked loudly as he opened the door. It was exactly the way they left it. A long glance at their bed saw it empty. Cold. Never to be laid in again.

 _ **They don't like it when you stare, Austin, it's rude. They taught you better.**_

His breath caught in his throat and he apologized for intruding and went straight for their bathroom. His father has been on medicine for ADD; that's where Austin had borrowed it from earlier when his grades had slipped before.

He couldn't fail school. Ally was counting on him to succeed. He opened the medicine cabinet, found the right bottle and quickly exited the room. He slipped into his room and sat at his desk. The stack of textbooks had collected a thin layer of dust. He downed a pill and blew the dust off his math book. He was going to pass. He was going to graduate and Jimmy was going to let him perform again. Things were going look up for him, Ally and their child.

 _ **You really think that? Cause you know what I think? I think Ally is going to figure out your secret and leave you on your ass. You really think she has time to coddle you and your addiction when she's worrying about**_ her _**baby? Nope. No time. Wise up. Stay with her and quit or leave her and keep on using. Why not save her the extended agony and leave?**_

He ignored the voice and studied for hours. Math, science, English and world cultures. When he looked up from his books, it was well into the evening. He glanced at his phone, it was almost time to meet up with Ally for dinner. He stood up from his desk and went to the hall bathroom to take a shower. He was nervous. Both of Ally's parents would be there. They were going to tell them the news today. Lester would be furious. He would glare and fume and tell them how expensive this endeavor would be.

He would ask about money. He would ask about Austin's plan to support Ally and the baby. He would mention Moon's Mattress Kingdom and Austin would have to answer him seriously. And just to make things even better, they were telling Jimmy and Ronnie tomorrow. Like Jimmy would ever let him perform again; Austin disobeyed his direct orders at the music awards and now the girlfriend he wasn't supposed to have was going to have a baby.

 _ **Jimmy is going to bury you.**_ Austin bit his lip. _**You're out of options. Moon's Mattress Kingdom it is.**_ He stepped into the shower and turned on the water, ignoring that it was blisteringly cold. He would never perform again. He would be forced to assume the throne. He would be forced to become the mattress king. Austin stood under the running water with his head down. As much as he didn't want to, he would do anything for Ally and their baby.

 _ **Anything? How about going through withdrawal?**_ He ignored the voice and finished up his shower. He wiped the steam from the mirror. He looked exhausted, but otherwise normal. He could do this. He could face Ally's parents, Jimmy and Ronnie. But he couldn't do it alone; he needed to make sure he didn't come down during dinner. He fixed up his hair, picked out something to wear and calmed himself down. The familiar self loathing came and went. The doorbell rang, Ally had arrived. They were meeting her parents at Fancy's. He grabbed his tie and draped it around his neck; no use in tying it when Ally was just going to redo it for him. He shoved a Ziploc bag with a smashed pill into his pants pocket.

 _ **Lester is going to kill you.**_ Austin ignored the voice and went to answer the door. He opened the door and smiled at her, she smiled back. She looked exhausted, but still gorgeous in her dress. Her hands went to his tie.

"Just... don't punch me in the throat again," he joked, trying to cut the tension between them. The air around them was tense, but all he could think to do was kiss her. She tied his tie and gave a nervous sigh. He grabbed her hand.

"You ready to do this?" she asked, squeezing his hand. He nodded.

"Let's do this." Ally felt a little bit sick to her stomach; anyway they explained it to her parents, she was still an unmarried, pregnant teenager in high school. At the very least, she assumed Austin would eventually pop the question and make her his Mrs. Moon, but for now, this still seemed bad. She knew her father would ask about money, but she had that covered. The Music Factory and money from her album would help and it wasn't as if she didn't have insurance. Her mother would be worried, but happy.

And that's when Ally's hormones took over: her mind began to race. What if her parents were furious? What if Ronnie dropped her from his label? What if she and Austin struggled because of money? What if she had to give up college? She chortled aloud, prompting Austin to raise an eyebrow. She could feel his gaze burning holes into her skin.

"... are you panicking, Ally?" Pale and shaking, she nodded. "Are you still on board for telling your parents?" Again, she nodded. "Then it's now or never, right?" Fancy's wasn't too far from Austin's house; the drive was only about ten minutes. Before she knew it, they had met up with Lester and Penny and were being seated. Ally's stomach turned, her face went a shade of green that Austin had never seen before. She excused herself, leaving Austin to sit in an awkward silence with her parents. Penny was the first to speak.

"Is Ally okay?" she worried aloud, "I've never seen her take off like that before." Austin gave a nervous smile and played with his napkin.

"She's uh, she's been feeling a little bit sick today, but she didn't want to cancel on you guys. She really wanted for us all to go out together." Just as Penny was going to check on her, Ally returned from the bathroom.

"Ally, Austin told us that you weren't feeling so well. Are you sure you're up for this?" Lester asked, pushing in his daughter's chair as she sat. "Also, just saying, this place is pretty expensive." Penny rolled her eyes,

"Lester, you're not even paying." Ally laughed in spite of herself, "Ally, honey, are you up to this?" She smiled, looking at both of her parents.

"I'm okay. I've been looking forward to dinner with you guys since we planned it. I'm up for this. Promise." A silence fell over them before Penny spoke again to clear the awkward air,

"So, graduation is coming up. Are you guys excited?" To be honest, graduation was the last thing on Ally's mind. A smile crossed her face and she nodded, "And you're valedictorian, I couldn't be prouder!" Ally smiled, grabbing Austin's hand beneath the table and giving it a gentle squeeze. The waiter came by and took their drink orders.

"Enough about us, how have you been? How's Africa?"

"Lulu had another baby!" Penny beamed, glancing at Austin, "His name is Mahrukh. I wasn't sure if you would mind if we called him _Austin_ , so I found a name that translates to Moon. I'm so sorry about what happened to you and your family." Austin thanked her, all the while feeling awful that she'd done something so kind and all he'd done was impregnate her daughter. Penny eased up on the subject, backtracking to Lulu's pregnancy and the miracle of life. Austin could feel Ally's grip on his hand tighten. The waiter had come back with their drinks and took their orders. Ally saw her chance.

"Mom, dad," she prompted, "Austin and I have something to tell you." Ally took a deep breath and ignored the tightness of her chest. "You are going to be grandparents." Lester choked on his drink. As Ally predicted, he went through his spiel about expenses. He started in on Austin, asking how he intended to take care of Ally and their baby.

 _ **Here it comes. Your moment of truth, if you could even call what you're about to tell him the "truth". What are you going to tell him? You're not sure what you're going to do with your life if Jimmy buries you. Are you going to tell him that you inherited a business with no intent to run it? Are you going to tell him - no,**_ them _ **, that you're scared absolutely shitless about this baby? Are you finally going to admit that you're addicted to drugs**_? Lester kept staring. Austin kept his eyes low. He could feel beads of sweat trickle down the back of his neck. For once, he was actually terrified of Lester. If he wanted to marry Ally, he'd be dealing with this man for the rest of his life. He had to make an impression. He had to drum up some courage, figure out what to say and how to say it. _ **Ally's going to see what kind of man you are, Moon, and she's going to leave you.**_

Austin shifted uncomfortably under Lester's critical stare, but swallowed his anxiety enough to speak.

"Mr. Dawson, I intend to marry Ally. I was actually going to ask her just after graduation. We're telling Jimmy and Ronnie tomorrow and if they decide to drop us, that's their problem. But, to answer your money question, I'm going to work at Moon's Mattress Kingdom. I accept fully that it is my responsibility as a father to provide for my child." Austin met Lester's gaze. "...I will die before I see Ally or my child go without." Despite his serious tone, Austin was internally panicking. He was scared; the prospect of working at the mattress store was crushing him. Absolutely crushing him. He inhaled deeply, hoping that tomorrow, Jimmy would be understanding. Lester backed down and turned to Penny. She was positively beaming. Tears of joy threatened to spill from her eyes as she stood, embracing both Ally and Austin.

"Ally, I knew." Penny admitted, "And I've known since you called. You can't hide things like this from me. This is wonderful. I'm a grandmother!" She called the waiter over and asked for a bottle of sparkling cider.

"I can see that you're serious about this, Austin," Lester sighed, "Work hard and save money. Take care of my daughter, because if you don't..."

 ** _He doesn't believe in you at all, but can you even blame him? Look at you. You're worthless. Already a washed up, has-been at eighteen. You've never worked a day in your life. How's he supposed to trust you?_** Austin stared at him, unable to focus on anything other than his own voice ringing in his ears. He faded back into the conversation and tried to calm himself down.

"Ally made being a father easy; I'm very lucky. Hopefully, you get that lucky too." He took Ally's hand and smiled. "I'm happy for you, sweetheart. We're here for you through this."

"And every step of the way," Penny added. Ally couldn't help but smile at her parents. Their support meant the world to her. Elated, she turned to Austin and smiled. This night could not have gone any better. She had a lot of hope for tomorrow's encounter with Jimmy and Ronnie. The waiter returned with their food in time for Ally to realize how hungry she actually was. She looked up from her food to see Austin get up from his seat as he was served. She cocked her head.

"Bathroom," he replied, "Be right back." He tried to keep his composure as he walked, but as soon as he was out of sight, he hurried his pace. He turned on the sink and splashed his face with some cold water. Austin raised his head and looked in the mirror. Pale, exhausted - _**washed up**_. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw him.

Jimmy Starr. And right behind him was none other than his own hallucination. Jimmy's voice was familiar, but drowned out by Austin's very own voice ringing in his ears.

"Well if it isn't Austin Moon..."

 _ **The washed up has-been.**_ Austin was hyper-focused on Jimmy, staring like a fawn in headlights. The producer kept going on and on about something, but the ringing in his ears was too loud. He asked about your parents. What do you tell him? Are you going to spill the secret about Ally?

"...Jimmy, I-"

"I hope tomorrow's meeting isn't about trying to change my mind." Austin felt the heat rise to his face, his chest wrenched, throat tightened up and he gagged. He turned, collapsed into a stall and threw up. "...you okay?" Austin flushed the toilet and lifted his head. What could he say?

"Yeah, I-I'm fine," he replied, getting to his feet to wash up again. "Thanks."

 _ **Ally is basically running that school. Neither of you honestly make enough there to stay afloat. Mall rent is high, electric bills, water and utilities... The kids break instruments, and of course there's the cost of technology and software. Dez and Trish's paychecks.**_

"You sure everything's okay? You look like hell." The pressure began to set in and Austin shattered like glass under its weight. He smiled, his eyes glassy.

"I'm great, I'm really... _great_. Not sure if the news got around yet!" Austin shrugged and smiled as he spiraled through his racing thoughts, "I'm going to be a father in January." Jimmy kept an even gaze, even as Austin fell into a bout of weird, hopeless chuckles. "I inherited Moon's Mattress Kingdom from my parents and I have a gorilla named after me, so... that's awesome, I guess. Things are so great."

 _ **Great job.**_

Jimmy put his hand on Austin's shoulder and a look of pity crossed his face. His voice was low, and he smiled a sympathetic half smile.

"That's..." He looked for the right words, unable to rip into Austin about his relationship with Ally. "That's great. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" Jimmy went for the door. "Hang in there, okay, Austin?"

Alone with his thoughts, Austin tried to calm himself. _Well... **That** was embarrassing_ , he thought, splashing a little more water on his face. He'd been gone for about ten minutes - Ally was probably worrying by now.

Ally was definitely worried. She excused herself from the table to use the bathroom, leaving Penny and Lester to talk amongst themselves. She made her way toward the restrooms and stopped in her tracks.

Jimmy Starr had just left the men's room.

He looked a bit perplexed, but didn't seem to notice Ally at all as he went back to his table. She hurried toward the men's room and knocked quietly. "Austin? Are you in there?" He didn't answer. "Austin, please." Without waiting for an answer, she announced that she was going to open the door. Hesitantly, she opened the door and walked in. Austin was standing at a sink, head down, face and hair dripping. His hands gripped around the porcelain, knuckles stark white. Ally paused, her heart sinking. "...did you and Jimmy fight?"

"...no," he replied, voice soft. "I cracked." His fingers twitched, but he didn't relinquish his hold. "I panicked... told him everything. He didn't... seem angry."

"It's good that he wasn't angry," she replied, resting her hand on his shoulder. "Are you still panicking?" He swallowed hard and nodded, suddenly very aware of her hands on his. His grip loosened and she turned him around to face her. He closed his eyes and kept his head down. "You can tell me anything. Whatever is bothering you, I'm here to help."

 _ **She wants to help you, but you can't even help yourself-**_

"Just shut up!" Ally watched him raise his head, regret and embarrassment in his eyes. "A...Ally, I didn't mean- I mean..." He backed away from her, turned and ran out of the bathroom.

 _ **They all heard you, you know.**_

He paused and looked around. Half the restaurant was staring at him. His heart was pounding as he was met with pity and disapproving faces.

 _ **I'd get out of here if I were you.**_

He tried to run from all the disapproving eyes, but slammed into a waiter, sending them both to the floor and catching the attention of the rest of the restaurant. His blood ran cold - or maybe it was the Caesar dressing running down his face. The waiter began to apologize, but Austin didn't hear him over the low-roar of gossip. He got to his feet, but froze where he stood.

He felt one pair of eyes in particular. Jimmy was staring at him.

* * *

The song for this chapter is _High Expectations_ by Faunts.


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